Confrontation is a Part of the Christian Life

By Caleb Kolstad

Confrontation is part of the Christian life.


This is an aspect of the Christian walk none particularly like to “receive,” and few of us enjoy “doing” this particular duty either.

Yet the Word of God tells us that Christians are to be intimately involved in one another’s lives. Think of James 5:16 for example. Confess (imperative) your sins to one another. The MSB notes, "mutual honesty, openness, and sharing of needs will enable believers to uphold each other in the spiritual struggle." If we want to be wise, we must give (and be able to receive) criticism/rebuke/confrontation.

Galatians 6:1-3, “Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted.2 Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.3 For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
We are to do this with a spirit of humility and gentleness. But if we are “spiritual” we will be involved in the confrontation/restoration process.

1 Thess 5:14 is a series of commands written to the entire church. This is not just leadership’s responsibility. Leadership should set the example in this area (2 Timothy 4:1-4), but the entire church is called to lovingly “admonish, encourage, help, and show patience” to all men.
Paul says every Christian should be faithful to do these things: “And we urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men.”

Matthew 7:1-5 is one of the most misquoted passages in all of Scripture. People love to stop at verse 1 and ignore the rest of the passage.

"Do not judge lest you be judged.2 "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3 "And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Before we confront anyone else we should first stop and examine our own life. Confrontation should start with our own heart (ie self-examination). This step will enable us to have a better perspective on what’s truly going on. Criticism is a boomerang; think about it (Rom 2:1-4)!
The key word I believe is found in verse 5, “THEN”
First consider your own life (and if necessary confess your own sins), THEN we can confront an earring brother or sister with proper humility. Matthew 7 is not saying we should never “judge” or “confront” others. We simply need to do it with the right attitude and with a pure heart before God and man.

All of us are familiar with Matthew 18:15-17. This is where we get the biblical notion of “church discipline” or “church restoration.”
15 "And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 "And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.”

(step 1) We are called to reprove a sinning brother in private. Again confrontation/restoration is part of the Christian walk. Obedience to God’s Word (often) requires us doing that which we don’t naturally like to do. I had someone tell me recently that biblical confrontation is ONLY for the spiritually mature. No wonder so many in our churches want to remain spiritual infants.


There is another side to this equation; and that is how we are to respond when someone else confronts us. In some ways, this is more difficult than actually confronting another person. Receiving criticism, rebuke, instruction requires biblical humility. We must die to self in order to receive this type of helpful instruction. Pride is the enemy of the soul. Self-denial is necessary to follow after Christ (Luke 9:23).

There are of course, times when someone wrongly confronts us. We need to receive all criticism with humility but we are not bound to agree with everyone’s final analysis. This scenario requires another discussion for another time.

The Proverbs clearly teach us that "Fools" despise instruction (Proverbs 1:7; 13:13). Wise sons and daughters will listen to there parent’s instruction (Prov 1:8-9, 4:1-4, 6:20-24).

He who hates correction (according to the Bible) is stupid. Proverbs 12:1, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid.”
The fool will hate the person who is faithful to reprove him. Proverbs 9:7-11, 7 He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself, And he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself. 8 Do not reprove a scoffer, lest he hate you, Reprove a wise man, and he will love you. 9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser, Teach a righteous man, and he will increase his learning. 10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. 11 For by me your days will be multiplied, And years of life will be added to you.

We are to be thankful for the discipline our heavenly Father gives us (Hebrews 12:5-11). Sometimes God’s discipline is given through the vehicle of human beings.

Proverbs 13:8, “The ransom of a man's life is his riches, But the poor hears no rebuke.”
Proverbs 15:5, “A fool rejects his father's discipline, But he who regards reproof is prudent.”
Proverbs 15:12, “A scoffer does not love one who reproves him, He will not go to the wise.”
Proverbs 15:31-32, “He who neglects discipline despises himself, But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.”

We need courage to faithfully confront an erring brother.

We need humility to receive criticism/rebuke with an eager heart.

We desperately need wisdom from God to practice both commands.