Jerry B. Jenkins has recently revised one of his older, more popular books. It’s now entitled “Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It.” He touches on an important subject within the Christian community: How to overcome sexual temptation and lust in the arena of Christian marriage. Every person would agree this is a noble theme. Seeing my marriage is less than 2 years old the author of this review thought this book would be a most profitable read. The idea of building “hedges” around one’s marriage seems like a novel thought. Everyone does this right? Sadly, we all know “someone else” whom we believe walks way too close to the temptation line. Over the past few years I have talked with numerous Pastors and Christian leaders about this issue. I’ve found very few agree on what “safe guards” are necessary to help “adultery-proof” one’s marriage. Adultery is a great horror all of us wish to avoid. It is one of the ugliest sins imaginable. Thus we humbly ask God to give us the wisdom to implement discerning “hedges” in our own lives. In this book Jenkins tries to help Christians do just that.
Part one of Jenkins book is about the need for hedges. He gives a great example about how an innocent relationship can lead to flirting and beyond. Jenkins does a good job of illustrating throughout his book. As a fairly talented writer, stories and illustrations come quite naturally to Jenkins. One of Jerry’s major theories is that “we are to flee rather than to try and conquer lust” (p. 29). He believes this is why Paul wrote what he did in 2 Timothy 2:22. Jenkins admits this is his “theory” and that he is not a “Bible scholar, psychologist, or a Christian counselor.” Jenkins writes, “Scripture does not imply that we ever shall have victory over lust the way we are expected to win over worry or greed or malice.” Instead of immediately thinking of twenty Bible verses (in an attempt) to disprove Jenkins theory, I decided to give him some time to try and prove his theory is biblically sound.
Chapter two realizes that there is a new “openness to interaction between the sexes in the workplace, in the neighborhood, in counseling-even in the church” (p. 31). I’ve seen this first hand in numerous Christian locations/circles. I’d give you examples, but dare not, lest I gossip or slander a fellow Christian. When I’m totally honest with myself I realize I may be guilty of this very thing too. Self-examination is much more profitable than finger pointing.
Jenkins is right on though, the culture has changed; “Christians touch more, speak more intimately, and are closer to one another.” Jenkins lists off a number of valuable preliminary Hedges to help protect one’s marriage. He notes, “Friendships, especially with long-admired associates, can turn intimate even more quickly than new alliances” (p. 35). Men need to be very careful with co-workers, their secretaries, mutual friends, counselees, etc. Jenkins goes on to explain how fear can be a healthy deterrent to infidelity (p. 42ff).
I had a seminary professor who advised future pastors to make sure and hire a knowledgeable and friendly secretary; but they should also have one of the following characteristics he said, “Them being fat, really ugly, or really old” (and preferably all three). I appreciate this professor’s sense of humor and the underline wisdom point he was trying to make.
In chapter three, Jenkins describes a time in his life when he could “look and appreciate” without “lusting (p. 48-49).” It would have been helpful had the author of “Hedges” given us a simple definition of what lust is. When does one know if they’ve ‘crossed the line?’ Chapter three left me with more questions unanswered than answered.
The fourth chapter was about the “dynamics of flirtation.” Jerry insightfully notes, “Flirting is fun and usually begins in innocence. It’s a hard habit to break, even after marriage.” This is why teenagers that regularly flirt are setting themselves up for future danger and unnecessary hardships. Jenkins shows how “marital flirting” is profitable, fun, and safe. On the other hand, (in this chapter) Jenkins seems to underestimate the dangers of what my wife (a former college resident-director) calls “the movie in the mind.” Many college-aged girls are notorious for this type of unbiblical (fantasy-like) thinking. Yet daydreaming, or whatever you want to call it, is not confined to teens. All of us need to guard our thought lives.
The sixth chapter is about the power of self-deception. Jenkins identifies some practical ways to mortify sin in one’s life (though he never uses those terms). He also talks about radical amputation (Matt. 7; again my words, not his; p. 83). He refers to people who think they can handle any temptation as “stupid” (p. 84). I believe the Bible calls such folks prideful. “Pride cometh before the fall.” The sin of pride is the real problem. A discussion on man’s depravity would have been helpful, especially when referencing the battle in Romans 7 (p. 85).
In chapter’s seven through twelve Jenkins lays out the “6 Hedges” he’s implemented in his own life. As the author puts it, “If we can keep from deceiving ourselves about our own resolve and inner strength, we will see the necessity for a healthy row of blossoming hedges that keep love in and infidelity out.” The better we know our weaknesses the more effective we’ll be in developing our own “hedges.” Jenkins asserts that we are not all the same and thus what works for someone else may not work for you (pp. 79-83). With proper reasoning this is a good point. Jenkins wisely notes, “Logic says that if I am following the Biblical injunction to abstain from even the ‘appearance of evil’ (1 Thess. 5:22), I will also abstain from evil itself.” This is an area I believe many men and women of God error in.
The author of “Hedges” correctly points out that, “Pastors and other Christian leaders need hedges as much, if not more, than the rest of us. If they counsel women at all—and they would, in most cases, do better to assign them to some wiser, older women in the church—they should counsel with the door open and the secretary close by.” At the same time Jenkins realizes every person is different, “The important thing is to know yourself, understand the dangers in your weak areas, and do something practical and concrete about them.” Jenkins tries hard not to be legalistic in this book.
Though many of Jenkins conclusions may not be biblically sound, some of his principles are very helpful. The good in this book outweighs the bad. It is not the intent of this reviewer to point out every one of Jenkins’ errors. I’d imagine that type of critique has already been done in different theological periodicals.
Jenkins also provides helpful statistical analysis to support many of his conclusions. This, combined with numerous illustrations, makes the book a quick and enjoyable read. From a number of Jenkins statements it’s obvious he does not disregard the value of Christian psychology (p. 17; p. 43; p. 55; etc). This clearly taints some of his research/conclusions. Like any other popular author, this book must be read with great discernment. As Pastor Rick Holland often says, “Eat the meat and spite out the bones.” As the Apostle Paul puts it, “Examine everything carefully.”
Personally, I think this book provides some very good food for thought. I do not agree with everyone Jenkins says but I do agree with the general gist behind this book. Every person (married or single) needs to have “Hedges” established in his or her life. Father’s should talk about these things with their sons and mother’s with their daughters. Josh McDowell summarized the book this way, “Hedges is a unique book because it doesn’t just tell men how to solve their marriage problems. Instead it empowers them to build a defensive wall around their marriages, preventing serious problems before they begin.”
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